【Cafe Lemon Tea】Do you need mom friends?

【Today's Guests】

Eri

Mother of 2 boys aged 5 and 3

(originally from Osaka)

Tomoka　

Mother of 2yrs old girl

(originally from Chiba)

Yuko　

Mother of ６yrs old girl & 7months old boy

(originally from Chiba)

Madam Samantha

「Hello everyone thank you for joining Parenting Family Chatroom 『Cafe Lemon Tea』

We would like to get excited, gathering up and chatting in person, but let's enjoy online today! First, please introduce yourself」

Yuko

「I'm Yuko from Makinohara district. I have a girl who will turn 6 soon and 7months boy（the boy appeared on screen.)」

All

「oh how adorable!」

Madam Samantha

「irresistible time, isn't it!!! He's in a good mood too!」

Eri

「I'm Eri from Chiba Newtown district. I have 2boys who are 5 and 3. There is the word "terrible twos" but I think he is going through "terrible five" now.（The half of the screen shows his cute cheek.）」

Madam Samantha

「Eri, I heard that when you take your boys to nursery in the morning, you kiss them before leaving. Is that true?」

Eri

「Yes, it is. Teachers also know it so when we forget it, they ask us "don't you kiss today?"

On the day my husband takes kids to school, it seems to be a little embarrassing to them, so they do it in corridor but I do it inside the classroom」

All

（LOL）

Madam Samantha

「Is that only you, Eri? Does anybody else do the same?」

Eri

「no I don't think so. I don't see anybody, only us」

Madam Samantha

「I thought so too. It must be pretty rare」

Tomoka

「I'm Tomoka from Chiba Newtown district as well. My daughter is 2yrs and 8months old and goes to nursery school. (she appeared on screen with a big smile)」

Madam Samantha

「A fashionable cute little girl with straight bangs!」

Do you need mom friends?

Madam Samantha

「we would like to talk about mom friends today. Do you think you need mom friends?」

Eri

「I did try hard to make mom friends after having my older son. But once I returned to work, I had no time to spend time with them. Eventually a few people left. When my younger son was born, I didn't do much to make new mom friends of his age. I just keep in touch with my older son's mom friends. I'm a bit worried about not having mom friends of my younger son.」

Madam Samantha

「I think it's common to have stronger bonds with mom friends who got connected with your 1st child. 」

Eri

「after returning to work, there is no time to hang out with mom friends. I think it's better for me to keep the relationship with mom friends deep but narrow. But what I want the most now is the drinking buddy」

All

「hahaha」

Tomoka

「Actually, in conclusion, I think I don't have to have mom friends. It's true that having mom friends helps many situations while raising children and brings fun time. However, I don't need to worry about things like that just because I don't have mom friends.」

Madam Samantha

「That's right」

Tomoka

「Right after moving into Inzai, the days I spent alone with my daughter continued. I made some mom friends, going to Childcare Support Centers, but in the end, people I keep in touch with are ones whom I can consider as "my friend", instead of ones who have the same aged children with my daughter. So, I think that whether I can get along with or not is more important.」

Eri

「I definitely want my friends to be drinkers!」

All

（LOL）

Yuko

「Comfortable distance with people depends on each person, don't you think? Some people like to know each other closely, others like light relationships. I'm always not sure how far I

should go with mom friends at my sons' nursery. I sometimes discuss my concerns at Childcare Support Centers.」

Madam Samantha

「The time when I was raising my kids as young as yours, there were many kindergarten moms. So nursery moms must have another approach to build the relationships.」

Yuko

「It is nice that moms on Childcare Leave at the same time get along with each other well, but I still have difficulty figuring out the proper distance with them!」

All

「I see」

Do you feel "fear" in making mom friends?

Madam Samantha

「Nowadays, people are dealing with others very carefully. Do you get scared of making mom friends?」

Eri

「I did! I did! I like to read comics about ugly relationships, so I was scared because of reading the messy story about mom friends」

All

（LOL）

Eri

「But in reality, it was completely different. There are only nice people around. I've never heard of troubles from others. Am I instinctively selecting moms that I can feel comfortable with?」

Tomoka

「I like moms who not only talk to me, also treat my kids with care. Kids take to such moms easily. It's reliable.」

All

「yes yes！」

Tomoka

「I've heard the troubles among mom friends. It could be peculiar to women. I know there are things we can't do nothing about. I sometimes think that it would be nice to be with a group of various people, but I would rather stay away from troubles. I try to hang out with people who are easy to interact with only.」

Yuko

「Like Eri, I've never experienced anything bad with my mom friends. My 2 sons are 5 years apart. Moms in my younger son's class communicate with everybody very actively. They ask "would you mind exchanging LINE with me?" They may be anxious about the relationship but more than that, it seems like they just want to know each other」

All

「I see！」

How do you make mom friends?

Madam Samantha

「Eri, you are easy to get along with, aren't you?」

Eri

「Once I talk, I tend to consider the person as my friend, so I don't think it's good.」

All

（LOL）

Tomoka

「I often end up just talking on the spot. I'm not good at opening my mind. I hope people come and talk to me more.」

Madam Samantha

「Are you easy person, Yuko?」

Yuko

「I've been told that often, but actually I'm not. I pretend to be like that though..」

All

「wow!」

Eri

「I have a problem that I can't memorize the names even though I make lots of friends」

All

「me too!!! 」

Madam Samantha

「That makes my ears burn」

Eri

「Recently, when I registered the contact info. on my phone, I put their kids' names together. That helps.」

All

「That's a pretty good idea!」

Eri

「Today, it happened that we are all moms of nursery kids. I think that it may be easier to make mom friends if kids are in kindergarten instead of nursery because at the pick-up/drop-off of the kindergarten bus, I see moms friendly chat together. 」

Madam Samantha

「My kids were in kindergarten, so there were many opportunities to meet moms and to do some work together at many school events. Since then, we got to know each other better. 」

All

「yes, yes」

Madam Samantha

「But...when I'm talking, if I feel "Ah, she is comfortable to be with" then I can get along well. It means, it doesn't matter whether your kids are in nursery school or kindergarten, doesn't it? You don't always have to make yourself fit with others. You can figure out if she does match with who you feel comfortable with. You don't need to make mom friends to get tired. 」

All

「I agree」

Madam Samantha

「Just go talk! It's simple but important to make mom friends」

【Today's Impression】

Eri

I got suddenly invited not knowing whom I was going to talk with, but it was full of fun in an hour to chat together even with the first meeting people because of Madam Samantha. I could make new friends that I can text messages without being eager or hesitated since

Thank you for this opportunity

Tomoka

I was a bit nervous because of my first time, but an hour flew by fast. Everyone was very easy to talk to, so that it was fun. It was interesting to hear that everybody has their own thoughts and perspectives about mom friends and there are changes of their minds when having the first child or the second one. I know that we all have different ways of dealing with mom friends, but because childcare worries are popped out one by one anyway, I realized again that having the opportunity to talk, share, and know the fact that people have similar worries with mine makes me feel relieved. Thank you very much.

Yuko

I was nervous meeting new people online, but all the talks were interesting and really fun as we are moms of different aged kids.

Ever since my kids were born, I've wondered what "mom friend" is to me. However, I realized that depending on when you're working or you are on childcare leave, the way you spend your days and the people you deal with will change dramatically so that it would be okay to adjust things around.

I still have lots of things I want to ask and talk about, so I would like to gather up and talk while drinking next time!!.

※「Cafe Lemon Tea」is the chatting room for parenting family. Actual chat is online through the camera. Photos we post are all provided by the family attending with their publication permission.

writer：Scarlet

Translated by Umi

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